a moment’s meditation: yearning for more

deep to deepSince finishing my formal studies in 2010, I’ve been on a journey.   First, I moved from Chicago to Graceland University, Lamoni, IA, to be the Director of Religious Life and campus minister in 2011.  I’ve spent the last three years settling into this position: learning Graceland’s current institutional culture, getting to know the students who come to GU, developing the courses I’m teaching, and finding my alchemical vision for Christ’s mission and Community of Christ’s mission on campus.   These responsibilities, and other denominational activities, have thoroughly absorbed the last three years of my life.

Beginning my fourth year, I can’t say “I’ve arrived.” I’m still navigating these areas and learning things.   But, I’ve come to a place where I have my bearings and some sense of direction.  I’ve identified areas that I think need long-term attention and collaboration.  I better know my circle of influence verses my circle of control.  I find meaning in daily life among students and colleagues at Graceland.  I also have more opportunities to be present with Margo and my two daughters at home.  Katy, my oldest, is a teenager this year.  She’ll be a freshmen in high school a year from now.  Kenzlee, my younger daughter, began middle-school this year.  Both are in sports and playing two instruments.  My best friend and wife, Margo, loves her faculty position in the Gleazer School of Education at Graceland, and has been working on an Ed.D. year-round for three years from Drake University.   Currently, she is writing her dissertation.  Journeying to this point has been exhausting, but meaningful.   As I consider the future and try to navigate work and family, I still have a dull nagging feeling within me.  It’s like the murmuring of a still small voice trying to speak, or the distracting feeling of drips of water landing on the back of my neck.

I believe that living a whole spiritual life means responding to the s/Spirit within us that yearns to give birth to something.   I call it “s/Spirit” because this fountain of life-giving and life-bearing energy is God’s Life and Creativity entwined indistinguishably with our own.  It is a summons to live a life of freedom and creativity.  That s/Spirit within us is the creative energy or vision, impulse of inspiration, and quietude of potential that haunts our working mind and resting moments.  Paying attention to that s/Spirit at work within us leads us to what our spirituality is about.

I don’t point to that s/Spirit, however, to be prescriptive.  This isn’t about giving advice.  You and I have heard enough from the spiritual marketplace and its self-help culture.  We know how much it tells us that we need to express ourselves freely.  We must connect with our inner-child, play and live creatively.  We’re too busy, paying attention to the wrong things.  The voices go on:  blah, blah, blah…..

OK. Fine.  Maybe.

But, spirituality is not just another thing to do. <sigh>

When I stop and pay attention to that “dull nagging” desire in me, I don’t miss the obvious.  I don’t miss the fact that my family and daughters are, quite literally, part of this “birthing” in my life.  They are part of my life’s work.  They call forth my disciplined and creative energies.   Miraculously, Katy and Kenzlee are forming into generous, crazy, obstinate, and surprising young persons right before me every day.

I also don’t overlook that my work at Graceland is creative.  It, too, takes creative energies and inspiration.  It, too, gives life.  But, apparently, there is something more or missing.

The dull nagging or spiritual drip that’s thudding on my neck as I hunch over focused on “today’s tasks” keeps coming.  It doesn’t frustrate me or give me angst.  drop-of-waterI think I just need

to try to listen to that small voice, or pay attention to that refreshing drip pooling on me.   The distraction could be life-giving.  To disregard this nagging in the name of busyness, or to appease some insatiable need for productivity, only keeps my life locked in a cycle of deadlines and want for mindless entertainment.   So draining.  Still, “deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls,” Psalm 42: 7 says, “all your breakers and your waves have gone over me.”  Maybe that’s what I’m yearning for.

Coming to Graceland

It’s been several months since my last post.  Margo (my wife) relapsed with TTP May 7th.  We hoped this disease was behind us.  Margo had two hospital stays and daily visits to the cancer center (4-5 hours a piece) in Chicago from May 7 until July 1, when moved from to Lamoni, IA.   Her treatment initially transferred to Des Moines, then to Decatur County where we now live. The transition, itself, holds a wonderful testimony.

Remarkably, Margo found a doctor in southern rural Iowa who has been treating TTP since 1974.  Chance or not, this is some kind of miracle.   Statistically, TTP cases are 3-4 per million people per year.  That means all of Iowa should have only 9-12 cases of TTP annually.   The odds that a doctor with thirty (30) years of experience with this disease would come to Decatur County (pop. 8500), where we live, two days a week is a blessing no one could plan.  Margo feels she is in great care, and we feel as if we are meant to be here.

The transition from Chicago to Graceland University and Campus Ministries has been an adventure.  Many things are as I anticipated.  The campus is incredibly busy.  There are several questions that hang over my new position:  Is Graceland a Christian institution?   What does it meant that it was established as “non-sectarian?”    How does Graceland’s 100+ year relationship with Community of Christ shape the university and my responsibilities?   Would there be a “Graceland experience” without the church’s faith and historical influence?   These are fascinating and important questions that deserve time and good answers.

Graceland is a liberal arts school with freedom of academic inquiry, dedicated faculty, and a palpable sense of community.  The majority of students, over forty percent (40%), identify as Community of Christ at Graceland.  So do many faculty.   However, Graceland also has a significant Catholic student population, as well as other Protestants, non-denominationals, Mormons, Restorationists, and many others who do not identify or prefer not to be identified with a particular faith.   Graceland also has about 12% International students, who identify with other faiths, including Jewish and Muslim.

With Graceland’s unique heritage and diverse environment, what does it mean to do campus ministry here?   Whom do I serve?  What should be my mission and goals?

Popular thinking about identity lays traps to avoid in answering these kind of questions.   America’s politics and religious tribalism could easily run these questions aground.   Starting from a defensive position, some feel that a diverse campus like Graceland’s would put its history with Community of Christ and its identity under threat.   Of course, the opposite is likely more true.

We learn more about our faith, our history, who we are, what we practice and what we confess, by interacting with others different than ourselves.   This is true across ecumenical differences and interfaith groups.   It’s equally true with the diverse perspectives in any church community.   Intentional interaction and a disposition for learning actually strengthens self-hood, faith and conviction.  Moreover, the Community of Christ is a world-wide church with members of diverse cultural backgrounds across many nations.  It is important to think of Graceland as a microcosm of what a global people really experiences, interacting with diverse people everyday.

Alot more can and should be said about these question.  At this point, I only want to name them and touch on how to approach good and faithful answers.   If you want to read more about my view of Graceland’s relationship to the Community of Christ, see my page Graceland and Community of Christ Share a Mission.

Back to campus.  🙂